Out of Vein

Apparantly my veins are narrow. The nurse at the Blood Center told me that when I stopped by today to see if I'm fit to become a blood donor. But that didn't stop my blood from filling up the 3 glass vials she needed for the test. Haven't done much besides that today, but it made me feel good. I will (probably) never find a cure for cancer but this is one good thing I can do!

Got blood?

Making space

Been trying to throw things I don't need out of my room but it's not as easy as you think at first. Most things are just objects of sentimental value, nothing really useful. And then there is the greedy side of me that keeps me from throwing away things because I know I could get money for them. Only I never get around to putting them up for auction on the internet because it seems too troublesome and time-consuming. I'm lazy.

Whine

I'm sick of whining. But at the same time it makes me feel better, talking about my feelings. But I feel sorry for the people who gets to hear so much about it. Especially C, thank you for listening and for understanding. I'll do the same for you, anytime.

Tv is a great thing. Makes me forget my life for a while. And Jack Johnson comforts me with his songs. Wish I could have seen him perform in Yokohama!

Where is the Love?

Life is unfair. I hate my life as it is now. And life hates me too, it seems. All these bad things keep happening, mostly small things, but they accumulate and become something that's too much for me to handle. So yeah, I'm depressed.

I'm angry at life. I wonder why everyone around me gets to be happy and not me. Don't I deserve happiness too? Have I done something wrong?

Right now I'm lost. It feels like I don't have a future. I can't see my dream anymore. And that dream is all I ever wanted.
I used to believe that everything would turn out ok in the end, whatever happened. I don't feel that anymore.

Dissapointment, bitterness, sadness, worry, fear, loneliness, insecurity, embarrassment, envy, restlessness, boredom. All these feelings makes me so tired. Want to make myself feel better but I don't know how.
I just want happiness back.
I wish things were different.

Back in Sweden

Won't be writing anything here for a while, I'm not feeling well.

Sleepover

Yoko invited me to her grandparents house in Ibaraki prefecture over the weekend, so we went up there together on saturday. The town they live in is located out on the countryside, with rice fields and mountains surrounding the area, about an hour away from Matsudo. The house is a really nice traditional japanese one, very big and around 100 years old. Rice paper doors makes it pretty cold during the winter but that gives you an opportunity to use a kotatsu, which I've been wanting to try ever since I first watched the fruits basket anime. It's really cozy sitting with your legs under the table, getting warm while eating dinner or watching a movie.
Yoko came back from her studies in Scotland over the holidays, and with her she brought some scottish food, haggis. Being made out of sheep's intestine and stomach I was too cowardly to try it when I was in Scotland myself, but this time I actually did try it. Not bad! It actually tasted similar to something I've tried before, but can't remember what it is.
Also got to eat some kinako mochi, something they traditionally eat in Japan during New Years. Was very yummy. Yoko's mom gave me some to take home when I went back to Matsudo on sunday. Japanese families are very friendly and generous, I love that about them!

Knit Hat

I always play with my gifts the day after christmas.