Creative outlet?

Right now I feel such a need to create something, only I don't have the slightest idea what that would be. It would be nice to write something but I tend to get stuck right after I start. And I don't feel like drawing or painting. Got tired of jewelrymaking a long time ago.
I've got inspiration but no outlet.

Been thinking a lot about things I want to learn, such as photography and diving. Was looking up courses yesterday on the internet but it costs a lot of money and I don't know if I'll have the time for it when I finally get a job. I really want to learn more, see more, do more in my life. And I want to start now!

Spring is here!

Miniature orange tree.

Problems

I think there might be something wrong with my email. I've sent a lot of emails but not getting any replies. Either people don't recieve my emails or my mail is blocking theirs. Or maybe everyone just don't want to write me anything! I hope that's not the case!
If there is something wrong with my emails it means my job applications probably didn't go where they were supposed to go. Not good.

Today is sunday. I'm bored. I have nothing to do. No one to play with. I need to make more friends who live in Stockholm but I don't know where to meet any. I don't like parties much. And if I'd walk up to a person on the street and ask for friendship that person would think I'm crazy. I'd think a person was crazy for doing that! So where do you find new friends?

Out of Vein

Apparantly my veins are narrow. The nurse at the Blood Center told me that when I stopped by today to see if I'm fit to become a blood donor. But that didn't stop my blood from filling up the 3 glass vials she needed for the test. Haven't done much besides that today, but it made me feel good. I will (probably) never find a cure for cancer but this is one good thing I can do!

Got blood?

Making space

Been trying to throw things I don't need out of my room but it's not as easy as you think at first. Most things are just objects of sentimental value, nothing really useful. And then there is the greedy side of me that keeps me from throwing away things because I know I could get money for them. Only I never get around to putting them up for auction on the internet because it seems too troublesome and time-consuming. I'm lazy.

Whine

I'm sick of whining. But at the same time it makes me feel better, talking about my feelings. But I feel sorry for the people who gets to hear so much about it. Especially C, thank you for listening and for understanding. I'll do the same for you, anytime.

Tv is a great thing. Makes me forget my life for a while. And Jack Johnson comforts me with his songs. Wish I could have seen him perform in Yokohama!

Where is the Love?

Life is unfair. I hate my life as it is now. And life hates me too, it seems. All these bad things keep happening, mostly small things, but they accumulate and become something that's too much for me to handle. So yeah, I'm depressed.

I'm angry at life. I wonder why everyone around me gets to be happy and not me. Don't I deserve happiness too? Have I done something wrong?

Right now I'm lost. It feels like I don't have a future. I can't see my dream anymore. And that dream is all I ever wanted.
I used to believe that everything would turn out ok in the end, whatever happened. I don't feel that anymore.

Dissapointment, bitterness, sadness, worry, fear, loneliness, insecurity, embarrassment, envy, restlessness, boredom. All these feelings makes me so tired. Want to make myself feel better but I don't know how.
I just want happiness back.
I wish things were different.

Back in Sweden

Won't be writing anything here for a while, I'm not feeling well.